He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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