I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
