once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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