Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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