Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
