Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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