i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
