Swine flu. Run for my life!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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