Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
