she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
