You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
