You really coming over, don't trick.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
