my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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