Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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