I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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