so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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