tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
