I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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