So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
