then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
