I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
