let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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