yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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