Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
