So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
