I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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