Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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