what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You have to summon your inner elephant
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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