YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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