I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
