Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
