Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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