I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
