He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
