don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
