worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
