At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
