just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
