Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
These tits shall not be calmed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
false alarm, still single
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
