So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
