I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
