I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
