I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
