Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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