Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
