Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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