guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
