please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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