Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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