The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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