That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
