When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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