Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
