I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it glows. i had to have it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
