I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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