ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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