he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
