Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
