all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's shark week go big or go home
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
