When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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