Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
