At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
