I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
