i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
