I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We talked him into tasing himself.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
