You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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