glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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