your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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