so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize