Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i think my mom watched the whole time
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
