dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
