she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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