I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
