i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
