Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
