I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
